Some spouses treat their pets and talk to them in a much more loving tone than they do their husband or wife. That hurts.

Here are five things you should never say to your spouse:

1. Nothing – The Silent Treatment.
This is probably the most toxic and destructive response to conflict in relationships. Practicing the silent treatment is a bad habit for couples. It places an unnecessary amount of emotional and physical stress on individuals. Besides, your partner may not even know the reason you are being silent. If you are hurt, say something about it. And talk with your partner if you feel like you’re beginning to give them the silent treatment or you think they’re giving you the silent treatment.

2. Whatever!
This word is a lot worse than it sounds. It sends your spouse a signal that no matter what they say, you don’t care and it won’t make a difference anyway. That’s a pretty cold thing to say, and it can trigger angry responses or complete withdrawal from your spouse. That’s not good.

3. You Always / You Never
Saying “you never do such and such” or “you are always doing this or that” is to put your spouse into a box and does nothing to solve the problem. So, sever say to your spouse that they always do this or never do that. While these things might be true much of the time, you may ask instead: “Why does it seem that we hardly ever do this or that” or “Why is it that you do this or that so often?” By turning bad statements into questions you are not making an accusation, and may avoid conflict.

4. I Wish I’d Never Married You
Every couple goes through marital conflicts, but to say that you wished you had never married them will only make things worse and does nothing to solve the underlying issue. It may be what you felt in the heat of the moment, but it wasn’t what you thought on your wedding day, was it? That’s a very hurtful thing to say. So don’t say it.

5. I Can’t Ever Forgive you for “That”
Saying that you’ll never forgive them for something shows a very selfish attitude. All of us have made mistakes in our lives. The bible calls us to forgive others as we’ve been forgiven, and that includes your spouse. Maybe you could say: “I am really struggling to forgive you for that.” That sounds like you’re at least working on it, and may bring the best out of your spouse.

Keep in mind that wounds from sticks and stones will heal, but words leave deep scars that may never completely disappear and can wound a person for years. The most powerful statement before starting any discussion with your spouse is,  “I love you, and I want things to be better between us.”

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